Egypt & illusions

I first visited Egypt with my family when I was 15 years old, as soon as I stepped off the plane I knew I was home. It wasn’t a cerebral knowing, it was a bone deep study of what was true in my body, no discussion needed. The feeling of ‘being at home’ in Egypt is not an uncommon one! Many people have expressed their connection to this ancient land, and in some senses, I could feel the insights received by who had come before and, in essence, who is equally as much a part of who I am now.

I’ve been dying recently. We all have. To live ‘well’ I choose to die ‘well’ too. Before this trip to Egypt I went through another relationship ending in which I could literally feel my body stripping itself of the walls i’ve put up between my heart and life, my heart and others, my heart and my truer self. Like a deep shedding in the pulse of winter’s eye my body and being were awakening to a new layer of much needed integration. Fear faced full on, no more distractions, just my fire, tarot cards, journal, dog’s love, and tears of immense grief shuddering through in at times uncontrollable waves.

This new death prepared me perfectly for my landing in Cairo. Personally, I feel there is no other place on earth which can hold the power of rebirth and the cycles of renewal like Egypt does. The space there breathes into itself, like a vortex with the spirit of eternal adventure. Yes, there are layers of glitchy, messy, destructive energy. And there are layers of creative, loving, nurturing, expansive, pure joy. It really depends what one needs at what time and what is most relevant to us. Isn’t that the essence of life!? What is relevant will always be, no escaping it.

I’ve been wondering how best to share about my experiences in Egypt this time round. What feels most aligned is to share a bit about the parallels I see in life in relation to the trip. For example, one theme which came up was the play between illusion & truth or reality vs illusion. For some, illusion is an honest expression of their reality, and truth is so subjective that the states they allow themselves to enter are an adhesion to the core of their beliefs. For others, the desire to recognise illusion can be a big player in advancing through cycles of self-harm, and cascading into the realm of self-acceptance. I tend to be more of the latter.

Through my recent break up I came face to face with many illusory aspects of my being. What made them illusions? The fact that my soul was guiding me in a direction far, far from where they were. Thought patterns, beliefs, stories, all centred around worthiness. Am I worthy for XYZ – an illusive aspect of me may say “no”, however my truth when I move through the emotion of that “no” was really a ‘“yes”. Now, the argument here is that all truth is an illusion, all reality is both false & true, an illusion and the truth behind the curtain.

In the Tarot, the cards I associate most with this topic are The High Priestess and The VIII of Cups.

The High Priestess asks us to reveal what is hidden, to feel / see / sense / know our truths behind the veil. She encourages a deeper expression of the self at all times. We can do this by getting into discussion (through writing, talking, moving, etc) with what’s bubbling underneath our day to day, more unconscious relationship with reality. And part of reality is acknowledging any masks, stories, or veils which have kept us diverted from a more integrated, integral version of who we can be! THP asks us to face ourselves, again and again and again.

The VII of Cups is a card of choice. Within choice many illusions can rise to the surface. Some people (myself included) can find it quite hard to make decisions from a rooted, authentic, completely non-people pleasing place. The VII of cups honours how much movement exists between one possibility and another. This card invites us into a deeper trust of our instincts and also to observe where ONE aspect of reality could give way to another, perhaps truer direction for us.

Are the selfs we put out into the world an illusion, true, both, none, or all?

How many of us are aware of an inexplicable, immensely vast, expansive, unending energy of who we are on the inside yet the bridge between us sensing that and our expression of it can feel hard to cross in full trust! Why? Is it because an illusion tells us we must behave a certain way to be acceptable and loved? Or a voice of un-truth which guides us away from our heart because the head is more comfortable? And how much validation have we given the aspects of us which are illusory?

Back to Egypt, how does this theme relate to my time there? Well, first of all Egypt is full of the energy of The High Priestess. Everywhere you turn there are different layers of consciousness all busily, chaotically, and at times peacefully running alongside each other. There are ancient sites steeped in profound mysticism beyond full understanding, water ways harbouring tones and songs of the priests and priestesses who came before, stones which still hum with reverence at the divinity of life’s existence. There is the language of the desert and it’s people, who carry in their eyes such a purity of being. These are men, women, and children who care only for right relationship with one’s heart. There are teleportation devices, healing chambers, ceremonial rooms, and threads to a past which remind us that to live in harmony, healing, and connection with our hearts is essentially a returning. Then, there are the people who miss all of that – and that’s ok.

For one person a pyramid is an inanimate pile of old stones without personality, that is their truth and they are happy with that. For another a pyramid is a living, breathing force of intelligence encoded with awakening principles and a generosity of spirit, that is their truth and they are happy with that. Neither is right or wrong. Between both ends of the polarity of truth there is a dance of illusion tugging at the hem, asking us to remove the garments we have made comfortable for ourselves, to stand naked to a possibility of witnessing that Self in a deeper light.

We live in a world where story creates how we see who we are, how we see ourselves results in how we react and respond to life around us, how we react and respond creates a perpetual chain of unavoidable evolution. My experience of Egypt is that as a consciousness, the land and the energies there offer a moment by moment opportunity to re-create our internal landscape. To step out of the ocean of conformity and into an uncomfortable yet necessary expansion of awareness.

Do we clutch to an internal illusion because it keeps us in the known, or is there a deeper purpose and face of truth which covers all sides of possibility? Perhaps we need to take the journey of being human to truly discover.

The Taoists would say that there is no illusion without clarity of seeing, that one is all and none, and that to try to cling at all is in fact missing the point. The point in and of itself is to just be, without effort, amidst the polarities of life with a willing heart. This is what Egypt asks of us, what it invites us into. Everyone I know who has been has come back changed by the standards of energy there.

One of the activities I did in Egypt this time was to visit a non-profit organisation named Egypt Equine Aid which sit at the base of the Abu Sir pyramids. The organisation works tirelessly to provide medical care and treatment for the working equines in the area. Work which is very needed. Let’s talk about truth here for a minute, the majority of equines are brought into the clinic by people who believe that to give their animals water whilst they are working means the animal will die. That is a reality for them, is it an illusion? No. Not for them. However, the deeper truth beyond that illusion of truth of course is actually the opposite – that without water, the animals will indeed face the possibility of death.

With the above (and much more) considered, when I ask myself the best way to ‘bridge the gap’ between all the ranging polarities on this planet, the illusions, truths, non-truths, and possibilities within me – the answers I find are that of the Taoists (again) and the Horses: To be amongst the changing and unchanging, with a willing and compassionate heart. Returning to the foundations of my creation which are: my breath, my presence, my intention, and my soul’s voice. Allowing all the qualities of the cycle to exist within me, deepening my capacity to embrace rather than revolt against. This my friends is where I am at right now, wish me luck.

There is space for life in the courage it takes to step into the deep, unruly waters of our awakening. Is it in fact our awakening? Does it belong to us, or does each step we take into the unknown embellish the collective spirit as well? I think the latter, don’t you?

Thank you Egypt for another delicious taste of revealing.